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How to write a Profile for Geek 2 Geek

You’re tired of being alone nights and weekends. You want to find a special someone to share them with.

 

How can you make it happen?

 

The answer is right here, right now on Geek 2 Geek. It’s right at your fingertips, it's always open, and it's just about the easiest way to start dating -- especially if you're shy.

 

But first, there are some basic techniques to online dating that you need to learn in order to make it work for you. In this guide you will learn specific steps you can take right now, to make your experience with online dating more successful every step of the way – from posting your photo and profile, to navigating the waters of emailing, to getting dates.

 

It all begins with attitude. In the past you may have been playing "not to lose." Now you're going to play to win!

 

1.         Lure them in with your photo

 

First things first! Ladies especially, take heed. The photo is 90 percent of what guys look at in a profile, so it can't just be any photo -- it has to be really good. Looks shouldn't matter (especially to geeks) and it's not fair, but the fact is that looks do matter, especially to men.

 

Instead of complaining about it, you might as well accept it. Just because looks matter, doesn't mean you need to look like Angelina Jolie. You can be overweight or quirky-looking and still take a beautiful picture. Posting your online dating profile is a great start, but you also have to show something in your expression in the photo. In other words, you have to seem open and inviting, sexy and playful, but not desperate.

 

The photo shoot

 

If you don't have a great photo on hand, try a homemade photo shoot. Find a pal to play photographer, someone who makes you feel relaxed and brings out a smile in you. Sure, it may seem contrived to take photos specifically for your online dating profile, but who cares? A guy will notice your eyes, your smile, and whether you are looking at the camera. He'll imagine you're looking at him. He's not going to be thinking about who's taking the picture and why.

 

Here's a tip: Pick up a clothing catalog and look at the models' faces. See how they draw you in with their eyes and a hint of a smile? Some poses are a little too sultry, of course -- and don't be photographed in a bra! -- but Heidi Klum and her pals really know how to captivate an audience with their eyes, even in 2D. Practice in front of the mirror to find an expression that makes you look more than just pretty -- your goal is to make those pictures come alive!

 

A bit of photo advice for men -- keep your shirt on! And not just your undershirt. Even if you’re a perfect specimen, the message you send with a shirtless picture isn’t the one you should be sending to meet your match.

 

On Geek 2 Geek, you can post up to 5 photos. Your primary photo should always be the one that shows you in a portrait mode. You can use any or all of the 4 remaining slots to show yourself in some of your favorite activities, such as skiing or dressed up as a Jedi.

 

 

 

The Top 10 Worst Profile Picture Types (not associated with David Letterman in any way, shape or form, though if he’d like to hire me, I’d be willing to work something out)

 

The Group Shot

Hello, which one are you?  If there’s more than one person in your photo (other than perhaps your kid or your dog), then it’s hard to tell who you are.  Are you the guy with the Hitler mustache?  The girl with the orange hair?  The guy with the "Who Farted" t-shirt?  If it’s not obvious who you are in your profile picture, you may just get passed up because someone else assumed incorrectly.

 

The Shirtless Guy

Gross.  Yes, it’s great that you work out, but really, I don’t need to see your nipples before the first date.  Also related to this category, the gratuitous cleavage shot.

 

The Avatar

Wow, is that really you?  You’re so…buxom…and half dressed…and you have cat ears.  Are those going to get in the way when we make out?  You’re so colorful.  I hope you’re wearing that leather outfit when we meet, I really do. 

If the picture isn’t of yourself, why do you bother posting it?  People coming across your profile will think you have something to hide.

 

The "MSG ME AT _____" Picture

There is nothing creepier than finding a picture of someone you’ve never met telling you to contact them.  Besides, we won’t approve your picture anyway.

 

The 1-900-Not-A-Geek Shot

Is that really you, or the girl I saw in the Phone Sex commercial on "USA Up All Night"? 

 

The "Let Me Show You My Tattoo" Shot

Tattoos are fine, but if your entire picture is devoted to one then you aren’t really saying anything about yourself.  I mean, if you think that a butterfly defines your whole personality, then that’s fine, but what’s to differentiate you from everyone else with a butterfly tattoo?

 

The "Is That Your Girlfriend" Shot?

Or maybe your ex-wife?  There is nothing that someone likes to see less than a picture of someone they may be interested in with their arm around a member of the opposite sex.  Especially if the person you are pictured with is really good looking – "Oh, that’s my competition?  No thanks!"

 

The Hand Gesture

Gang Sign?  Middle Finger?  Are you going to do that when I bring you home to meet my parents?  I can't risk that!

 

The "None of My Friends Are Nice Enough to Take a Picture of Me" Shot

So instead, I’m going to take this picture of myself in the mirror.  See, look, you can even see my arm holding the camera!

 

The 404 Not Found Picture

Is it just me, or do you look exactly like the letter "X"? Try again, only this time, with a picture that works!

 

Copyright 2009 by Geek 2 Geek. No reproduction or other use of this material in any form is permitted without permission and acknowledgment of Geek 2 Geek.

 

2.         Spice up your profile

 

After your perfect photo grabs them, they'll read your profile. The biggest problem with most online profiles is that they're way too bland. For example, everyone says, "I like to be active" or "I'm looking for someone to share my life with." Ho-hum! Your goal in online dating is not to attract every single person who looks at your profile. Just the right ones.

 

The key to writing your profile is to give people plenty of openings to respond to. The more descriptive your profile, the easier it's going to be for someone to email you. It's like giving them an icebreaker. For instance, instead of saying you love "travel" and "great conversation," make what you write more memorable by saying that you'd much rather go hiking in the Andes than go to a spa. Instead of saying you love music, name some bands that you listen to or recent concerts that you've been to. The point is to give people something specific to comment on or ask you about.

 

 

 

Do This Exercise

 

Sit down with a piece of paper and write the things that make you "you," without imagining whether people will think you're weird or have bad taste. Maybe you have a black belt in martial arts. Or you have a collection of Star Wars memorabilia. Maybe you did a stint in the Peace Corps or you were the junior archery champion of Ohio when you were a kid. Jot anything down you can think of that can paint a good, colorful picture of you. When composing your list, turn generic statements into interesting nuggets by using specific, fun examples and a playful tone. Here are some ideas to get you going:

 

 

 

Boring

Interesting

 

I love animals. 

 

I have two Great Danes named Starsky and Hutch

 

I like going out on weekends

Me + two drinks + microphone = bad karaoke.

 

I'm pretty liberal.

Michael Moore in '08!

 

I'm close with my family.

With five older brothers, I was born to be a football fan.

 

I'm competitive.

I'll bet you $20 I can beat you at Boggle.

 

 

 

Quick Tip 1

 

Create your profile with a professional word processor. Do a spell check before you post it. It shows poor netiquette when you ask someone to read something with bad grammar, no punctuation, or bad spelling. And ALL CAPS sounds like you're YELLING. A sloppy profile shows that you don't care.

 

Quick Tip 2

 

Never talk about things you dislike. You’ll have plenty of time to find out whether you’re compatible, and indicating that you dislike things in your profile casts a negative pall on your personality. It raises questions in the mind of the other person, "can I get along with him/her?"

 

3.         You do the picking

 

Hopefully, you'll get a lot of people writing to you, but you can't rely on that. It's flattering to be chosen, but the people you pick are usually the better ones. So don't just sit there! For whatever reason, the good ones don't stay unpartnered for very long. So you need to act fast when you see someone you like.

 

The 1 in 10 rule

 

When you're sending your emails, don't overthink them or feel the need to choose one person over another. If they seem to have any potential at all, just email them! Chances are, only one of 10 emails is going to lead to a date, and you never know which one it will be. That's why it's important to cast such a wide net. And don't get upset at rejection at this level. It's only email! They haven't even met you, so they're not rejecting the real you -- just the screen version.

 

 

 

Tips for reading a guy’s profile

 

 

Good

Bad

 

Short and sweet answers.

Rambling and/or bragging.

 

Self-deprecating humor.

Crude humor.

 

Mentions his love of movies.

Mentions his love of big boobs.

 

He's smiling and has warm eyes. 

He's in an Arnold Schwarzenegger pose with sunglasses on.

 

He says he's looking for a relationship.

He says he's looking "just for fun" (code for sex mode).

 

 Tips for reading a gal’s profile

 

 

 

Good

Bad

 

Short and sweet answers.

Rambling and/or bragging.

 

Self-deprecating humor.

Sarcastic humor.

 

Tells what she wants in her match

Tells what she doesn’t want in her match

 

She's smiling and has warm eyes. 

She’s posing in a bra and panties, or she looks like she could eat you alive.

 

She says she’s looking for her prince charming

She says she’s too good for most men

 

 

4.         The secret to successful emails

 

So, you've found some people who look interesting to you. What do you say?

 

The worst thing you can do is cut and paste the same message to a bunch of people. Whatever text you use in such a message will obviously be recognized as "canned." At the same time, you don't want to spend all day writing a lengthy missive, either. The best messages? Three sentences, as follows:

 

1. Comment on one thing about their profile that you can relate to. Pick up on any icebreakers that they may have in their profile, as a conversation opener.

 

2. Write a sentence about yourself that shows your personality and gives the person a clue as to why you responded to their profile.

 

3. End with a question. It's hard for someone to resist a question.

 

Here's an example: "I see you like downhill skiing. Every year I tell myself I should at least try snowboarding, but I'm devoted to my skis. Have you ever gone to the dark side?"

 

Don't use "Online Dating Speak", which contains phrases like "It looks like we have a lot in common!" and "I think we might be a great match!"

 

5.         Get to the date

 

So what happens when they write back something sweet or funny or cute? That's great! Respond back and keep things flirty, fun, and playful. It's like banter at a bar when you've first met someone, only it's over email.

 

The normal protocol is about three emails in each direction until you get to the point of exchanging phone numbers, and one phone conversation that ends in planning to meet. The whole thing from first contact to first date is usually around two weeks. A lot of people think they'll just meet the very next day for drinks, but there's a courtship process online that ought to take place. The emails back and forth help create a comfort level, as does the phone call.

 

If things are moving too slowly, here are some ways to try to move it from email to the phone:

 

1) Start being slow to respond to their emails (take a few days).

 

2) If you’re a gal, in your next reply, type in your phone number after you sign your name. If you’re a guy, ask for her phone number and give her yours.

 

3) Be direct. If you’re a gal, say, "If you want to call me, here's my number." If you’re a guy, say, "I’d like to call you. Can I have your number? Mine’s …"

 

If they don't respond at that point, it's time to move on. They’re clearly more into virtual relationships than real ones. Save your time for someone who wants the real thing. You're worth it!

 

6.         Hopes high, expectations low

 

Now that you know what you need to get started, you should go into it with a hopeful attitude. Don't be discouraged at the first sign of obstacles. Anything worth doing in life is going to be hard, and a great relationship is no exception. And don't give up at the first sign of rejection – remember, it's not personal! It's just like two pieces of a puzzle that you are trying to see if they fit together. If you don't hear back from someone, assume they are doing you a favor by not wasting your time.

 

No matter what, keep plugging. Try to pick 10 people every week, with a goal of one date per week. As they say, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.... If you find that your "hit rate" is lower than 1 in 10, try to rewrite your profile or take a new photo. You might want to hire an expert for coaching.

 

I know it sounds like a lot of work, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Once you meet that right person, you don't have to do it anymore. And, anyway, it can be fun -- if you make it fun.

 

Good luck with your search for the perfect geek match.

 

 

The following contribution is from Evan Mark Katz, E-cyrano.com

I run a website called E-Cyrano.com, which is designed to help online daters create unique, and therefore successful, online profiles. And on a site like Geek2Geek, where there are no photos, it’s ALL about the profiles. As you probably have recognized, the problem with most profiles is that everybody sounds pretty much the same. If I’m nice and smart and kind and warm and funny and honest and ambitious; and like hiking and biking and movies and music and travel; and am looking for my best friend and lover and partner-in-crime, that’s very good indeed. Thing is: you may describe yourself in the same way. As could your best friend. And my mom. So how are you going to differentiate yourself from the crowd?

It’s tricky, but the idea is to try to tell a story in which you’re largely saying the same thing as everybody else – in completely different words. That’s your only goal. Be unique. Not by being weird for the sake of being weird, but by trying to figure out how your details are different than everybody else’s details. Geek2Geek has a really thorough questionnaire, designed specifically for the kind of people who frequent a site like this. Still, if one guy checks off a generic box that says he likes science fiction and another alludes to his prized Boba Fett action figure, still in its original packaging, who comes off as more interesting? The more specifics you put in your two essays (About Me, About the One I’m Looking For), the more likely you are to elicit an "Oh my God, me TOO!" moment. Which is all you really need to make first contact, isn’t it?

Maybe it’s just because profile writing is my business, but I truly see it as equal parts art and science. Ironically, there’s a formula to creating something unique – but it’s your job to plug in the variables. Behold, a quick and easy formula, which requires absolutely no knowledge of trig or calc.

1) Killer first line. Quirky, funny, random. Doesn’t start with "I", such as "I can’t believe I’m doing this," "I recently moved from Chicago," or "I’m a down-to-earth girl who is looking for a down-to-earth guy".

2) Think of five adjectives to describe you and come up with examples to illustrate them. For example, one wouldn’t say "I’m cultured," but instead say "I can order my dinner in French, but don’t because it would be pretentious." Or something like that.

3) Avoid anything remotely negative about you, anyone else, and the medium of online dating as a whole. No one looks good when you rail against the world.

4) Normally, you shouldn’t say anything about your looks since the pictures speak for themselves. On here, since you’re not visible, it’s not a bad idea to put in a few lines about how you look.

5) Even if rebuilding Macs or cloning sheep are what’s most likely to draw ‘em in, you’re more than just a list of interests. Don’t be afraid of spewing a couple of cheesy platitudes about love. They make you human. Ending on something heartfelt is a nice touch for a reader looking to make a real connection.,

6) Spell-check. Please, oh, please, spell-check.

So there you have it…on the record, in black in white, the magic elixir that’s going to attract more attention to you than Michael Jackson would get for marrying Angelina Jolie.

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to write me at my Geek2Geek account (mysterE33) and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.