Geek Goddess - Dating and Relationship Advice

Advice from the Geek Goddess.





Please send your questions about dating and relationships to [email protected]

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Please send your questions about dating and relationships to [email protected] 

Dear Geek Goddess:

Me and my girl are happy and engaged, but not always happy. Nobody is, except hyper people. When she's really sad or seems depressed, I try to ask her about it and she avoids talking about it. I've tried to convince her she can talk to me, but so far it hasn't worked. Can you give me any advice about what to do to convince her? Or should I just wait for her to talk first?


-Crazy Zombie


I’ll let you in on a secret.  Hyper people aren’t happy either.  They’re just…hyper.


I’m sure I don’t need to drone on about how communication is the only way a relationship is going to work.  Either you communicate or you don’t.  If you don’t, you don’t have what it takes to make the relationship work.  Duh.


With that being said, is she avoiding talking to you about what’s bothering her or is there actually nothing bothering her and she is just answering "nothing" to your incessant "what’s wrong?" questions?  If it’s the former, you need to give her an ultimatum.  You clearly would like for her to open up and depend on you to help work out her problems, but if she’s not willing to do her part (which is to tell you what’s on her mind) then she’s not ready to share a life with you.  If it’s the latter, quit bugging your fiancé.


Dear Geek Goddess,


I'm a shy, depressed, about-to-graduate high school senior who hasn't kissed a girl or even been on a date with someone yet (not for lack of trying). Because of my depression, and the fact that my parents' divorce ended up moving me to the middle of the social wasteland, I have no idea what else is around the neighborhood besides some overpriced apartments, a couple other high schools, and some day cares. When I'm around cute girls, I also feel like I'm completely clueless and usually walk away from the experience feeling either like I made a fool of myself, or that I looked too shy for her to be interested in me. As well, when I do end up asking girls out, either they're booked full with work/whatnot for the next 2-3 weeks, or they already have a boyfriend! I'm starting to lose hope here... Is there a good reason for me not to?


-Depressed in Seattle


As I always say to boys (yes boys) who are still in high school who are complaining that they can’t find a girl to save their life, don’t give up, your future soul mate is likely still in diapers.


Okay, not diapers, but have you heard the one about how boys mature slower than girls?  Or the other one about how high school girls are a pain in the you-know-what?  An 18 year old girl is likely looking for an older, more mature man at this point.  Not to say that women should always end up with older men, but at the high school age, they usually do.


The best advice I could have for you at this point would be to go away to college in a big city.  Find a way.  It’ll be the best thing you ever did.


Dear Geek Goddess,


     This maybe a simple case of no-self-confidence but I'm not any good at this dating business. If it were simple like mathematics or electronics, where A=B then I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'm a very logical and rational thinker, but I've learned that the dating scene is far from logical by any sense of the word. I'm good with women I have no chance with, so I have no problem making an @ss out of myself, and being myself around them because, I'm not getting with them so it doesn't matter. But when it comes to women that I may have a chance with, I'm all thumbs. I'm afraid that my loud personality and geekiness will scare them off, and it usually does. I was hoping seeing that this is a place where single geeks gather I may have a better chance.


I'm brand new on this site, and I'm not expecting girls to come flying at me on flaming chariots, I just want to be ready if they do. If you have some wisdom for me, I'd appreciate it highly. I'd also like, if your diety-ship has time, would look over my profile to see if it looks alright. I thank you in advance for any wisdom you choose to share with me.

Joe ~aka Mr. Raisenbran ~    


What discerns a woman who you have a chance with versus one you do not?  I’m just curious, because it’s interesting that you can tell the difference. Can you read minds?  If you can, then you should be good to go in the dating world, right?


Or does "no chance" mean that they are married?  Honestly, one day you’re going to have to put your fears aside and just treat all women the same way. If your geekiness scares them off then they really aren’t worth your time.  Why would you even want to be with someone who is offended by any one of your traits?  If she is worthy of your affections then she can tolerate your geekiness, and chances are, she is likely not perfect either.


It seems to me like your issue really has to do with self esteem.  Be yourself around women, no matter who they are or what chance you think you’ve got, and you will find that not only will you have more luck with women, but you’ll have more luck with women you actually want to spend your time with.


All of my advice is open for comment.  I always like to hear from my fellow readers, whether you have a question of your own or comments about my good and/or bad advice.  

Please send your questions about dating and relationships to [email protected]



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