Geek Goddess - Dating and Relationship Advice

Advice from the Geek Goddess.





Please send your questions about dating and relationships to [email protected]

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Dear Geek Goddess,

I recently met a girl from the geek 2 geek site and well it seemed to go
okay for a little bit.

I asked just exactly what she wanted, and the response wasn't what
I expected. She said whatever I
 considered us to be would be fine with her.
Then she went on to say "titles" are useless and that they aren't needed. I
think I'm wasting my time with this person. I wanted to know your thoughts on

It sounds like this girl is afraid of getting hurt.  If she says what she wants (which is probably quite similar to what you want), then she's scared you won't want the same thing and she'll be in a whole embarrassing situation where she pours her heart out to you and you reply with something asinine like "I want to see that new Pirate movie".  Your best bet is to tell her what you want and hopefully then she'll open up to you, but sometimes people just take a little prodding.  Like cattle. 

Dear Geek Dating Advice Homo Sapien,

           First off I'd like to point out that your advice title voids your constitutional guarentees.  The phrase "all men are created equal" is not a prelude to free healthcare, rather it is a statment that all people are Homo Sapiens, there is no mortal and superior.  People are always going to fabricate reasons why they are superior to others because 10 percent of the people in the world do 90 percent of what needs to be done.  This is the way it is, this is the way it is always going to be, because of human nature.  The equality phrase comes from the idea that one person is not entitled to more than another just because of royal birth.  
            Strangely enough that is actually part of my dating question.  One of the things that I have noticed today is that people don't want to recognize the physical, physiological, emotional, and spiritual differences between men and women.  The truth is that men and women are not the same.  You will notice that just as Yin and Yang are complementary, so too are men and women.  As a Geek you should understand the difference between complementary, and opposite.  I have noticed the trend of people today to say that religion is the opiate of the masses while intentionally ignoring that egalitarianism is the narcotic.  You don't want egalitarianism in society.  You want the people who make more effort, sacrifices, risks, and endure more pain to have more to reinvest than people who just sit around and complain.  If egalitarianism was the way to justice then the Soviet Union would have won the cold war, but they didn't.  The two forces that have sabotaged my dating relationships more than anything else are #1 Artemis, and #2 Lillith.  Overwhelmingly I have found that all of the women I know talk about how they need to be a co-head of houseold, but I have never had the opportunity to date someone who has put as much effort into the relationship as I do.  In short these women do not lead like Joyce Meyer, they expect to gain leadership authority over me by my worship of Artemis, instead of my appreciation of how much they do for me/the relationship.  To me it's utter foolishness to treat a woman the same way you would treat a man in a relationship.  Women and men are not the same.  One of the problems I have in this situation is that my conclusion has been to start all relationships off as frienships.  While I don't think that this is a bad idea, this does not emphasize my desire to have a deeper romantic relationship with many people with whom I would like, and it presents me as asexual, which is also a fallacy.  Many times I will see a person that I am interested in start a relationship with someone else because I didn't trust them to start one myself yet.  Also while my needs for intimacy go in the order of #1 loyalty, and #2 sexuality, I still have a very high desire for both, and don't just want to hang around waiting for the precious few girls who feel the same way.  I know that I need to be more aggressive about the dating situation, it's just that when I make a major investment in someone who believes that egalitarianism is what yeilds a leadership role, and not virtue then I get really pissed, and don't want to date again for a really long time.  Do you have any advice on how to mitigate my risks, and filter out a lot of the asses who only want to take from me, and waste my time?  I thought that joining this site would be a good start, but much more needs to be done to my technique. 


Spankmaster B


Well, I really wanted to call myself Spankmaster B, but I heard that name was taken, so you're stuck with Geek Goddess.  A little more alliterative, not quite as catchy….

First of all, on many points I agree with you.  Men and women are (for the most part, with a few exceptions), not equal.  There are basic asthetic principles, and there have scientifically proven to be mental differences as well.  This is why dating (for most hetero people) tends to be so completely horrible, it's a matter of figuring out what the other gender wants, and in most cases, what they really mean when they say "I just want to be friends" or whatever.  You sound to me like you are also afraid of rejection, which is normal, everyone is, but if you don't put yourself out there and take risks then you won't ever reap any benefits.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  And yes, you will get hurt, and yes, you will get pissed off, and no, you can't filter out the people who will hurt you because how on earth will you know?  How about instead of filtering and being so picky, being less choosy and just understand that in doing so that people who are complete asses just kind of come with the territory, and learn to be less pissed off about it?


Dear Geek Goddess,

I'm usually not shy around guys who are deemed "cute" by most women. Those guys just aren't my type. It wasn't until just recently that I've found my type. I was at an anime and video game convention and I was going boy crazy! So many hot "geeky" guys cosplaying as their favorite characters carrying around fake machine guns or fake 6ft katana's. Problem is, when I wanted to talk to one of the guys, I was so shy it was unbelievable! I couldn't get a word out. I know what most guys are looking for; 5'10 skinny blonde beauty, and I'm not like that. So I got really shy because for the first time I actually wanted a guy to like me. What can I do to solve my real life shyness? I want to be able to go up to a guy who I actually like and get them to like me back. What do I do?

- Krissy G aka Newly classified "shy girl"

That is just too cute.  You're confident with guys whom you aren't interested in, and completely gah-gah over guys who would probably be flattered by your shyness.  Instead of acting "shy", try to channel that into "coy", and you can use that to flirt with all the cute and geeky boys you can find.  Good luck!


Dear Geek Goddess,

  I'm in need of a bit of advice if you can help me out on this one. I have a bit of an issue holding on to women. Most of my encounters seem to revolve around one or two nights of fun, then the lady friend says she's only interested in being friends. I feel a bit used, when I do love, I love with all my heart so it hurts a tad bit when it stops short.

  I usually blame it on chance, but it's been repeated enough to think it's me. My curse is I usually fall for well cultured women who already have a lot going on in their lives, and I'm bound to my graduate work as well as my family (out of a sense of commitment and family love).

  Would you have any advice for getting past a one or two night stand? (I'm not picking up these girls from
bars or parties, they're actual friends first). Thanks!

  Mr. Happy

Perhaps you're a bit too overbearing with women and so they back off before you propose to them on the second date?  You say the type of woman you fall for is well cultured and already has a full plate, so maybe you need to start looking for girls who have a bit less going on in their lives.  I know it seems like everyone has a lot of things going on at once these days, because that's just the society we live in. Perhaps you're not ready for more than a one night stand, as you mention you are committed to your graduate work.  If you met the love of your life, would you quit grad school for them?  The answer to that question should indicate whether or not you're ready for a fully committed relationship or not.

All of my advice is open for comment.  I always like to hear from my fellow readers, whether you have a question of your own or comments about my good and/or bad advice.  

Please send your questions about dating and relationships to [email protected] 



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