Geek Goddess - Dating and Relationship Advice

Advice from the Geek Goddess.





Please send your questions about dating and relationships to [email protected]

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Dear Geek Goddess:  

I'm kind of new to online dating.  Do you have any advice about the first message to a potential match?  I don't want to go overboard, but I don't want to say too little either.


Your first message could be anything, really, but you should probably focus mostly on making it interesting.  Who knows how many replies a person gets in response to their profile?  Not to mention that a benefit and disadvantage of online dating is the idea that you don't have to respond to everyone who talks to you, quite unlike real life, where if you ignore someone face to face, it's just plain rude.  You could mention what attracted you to their profile, or what made you respond.  Also, saying something interesting about yourself that will stand out in a person's mind is a good idea. Or, perhaps something you notice you have in common, like an interest in cycling.  You want them to think about what you're like and want to get to know you better!  Of course, the wrong thing to say would be anything too aggressive. Ttry not to mention feelings for someone you've never met before, considering you only know them as some words on a webpage!


Dear Geek Goddess:

How do I know if a girl is interested in dating me or just wants to be friends? I'm afraid of losing a friend by letting her know I'm interested but if I wait to long she moves on and I just feel like dirt.

PS. I hate the words "NICE GUY" and "I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND". It makes me wonder if they thought I was gay or if I was just sooo far below their league that they didn't even consider me. Oh well enough of the sour milk.

The simplest way into a girl's mind is to ask her directly.  Men typically believe that they have to play mind games with women, when really, women respond to directness and honesty much better.  You're afraid of losing a friend if you tell a girl how you feel, but you still lose her when she moves on to someone else who isn't you, so really, what would you rather have?  Risk the friendship, if the girl is worth anything at all she will still be your friend. 

As for girls telling you that you're a "nice guy" or that they "just want to be your friend", I'm interested to see what our readers think, so people, send in your opinions and be heard!

Dear Geek Goddess:

I'm 26, and haven't had much luck in the realm of dating.  I've had
one serious girlfriend that lasted for 18 months or so. Since then I've had a handful of dates, some one-niters and that's about it.  I'm pretty sure my problem is not being able to meet girls that I'd be interested in...but I'm not sure where to go.  I'm attracted physically to plenty of women, like any man would be.  But I look for a certain type that I can easily see that I'd be interested in them.  Geeky girls are what fit the type that I like... There are a couple of ladies who come into where I work on a semi-regular basis who I'd like to ask out, it's just not easy to be able to chat with someone in a retail situation and try to ask them out. Basically what I'm trying to ask is, what can an "extroverted introvert", or a "talkative wallflower" like me do to meet someone and ask them out?  Maybe I'm simply not confident enough, or it doesn't come through that I am...or maybe simply the chemistry isn't there. Maybe I'm just confused overall. I just feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

The best thing to do when you're stuck in a rut as you seem to be is to break your normal behavior.  It's understandable that you can't chat at your job – you don't want to get fired for slacking!  But you could tell a girl you meet at work that you're interested in getting to know them outside of your work and since you can't chat there, why not give you their phone number so you could get to know them?  Maybe you have a routine that you don't break, where you go to the same places all the time and see the same people.  Try changing things up a bit – maybe go to a different coffee shop than you usually do, or shop in someplace different.  Maybe there's a girl working in a retail store that you haven't been to yet!  As for asking them out, its as simple as stating that you'd like to hang out with them sometime, which takes the pressure off by making things seem like you aren't looking for a date, but rather a companion. 


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