Geek Goddess - Dating and Relationship Advice

Advice from the Geek Goddess.





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Dear Geek Goddess:



I'm 34 and haven't had a serious girlfriend in a long time.  I try and meet girls on my own by going out in the world, taking classes and involving myself in various activities – geeky and non-geeky alike.  When I meet a girl, I seem to be able to coax myself into asking her out and sometimes she'll agree, but I find myself totally unable to talk to a woman when we're in a date situation.  Then of course, she never calls me again.  I could understand if I had trouble getting a date in the first place, but I don't, its just after we go on the actual date that everything seems to fall apart.

Well the problem is definitely you, but it's not as harsh as I just made that sound.  Apparently you are an acceptable, or perhaps even a desirable specimen.  If you weren't then you wouldn't get dates in the first place.  It seems that your self-confidence ends there.  You have achieved the first step – which some people believe is the hardest – and have moved toward step two, the actual date.  Maybe its the kind of dates you're going on.  For example, do you ask a woman to dinner and a movie, in that order?  You could be better off doing a movie then dinner, and then you could discuss the movie afterward.  If she's in a class with you, try to have coffee after the class and discuss anything about the class – your professor, your peers, your homework, anything.  Also, you seem to be giving the woman all of the responsibility of calling you after the date, when it could likely be that she's waiting for you to make the next move, so try that next time and see if it works for you.  Good luck!

Dear Geek Goddess:

I have a problem saying no to men who ask me out.  I feel bad for some of the men who ask me out on a date and so I say yes, even though I know that I have no interest and that nothing will come of it.  I have even gone as far as to have a second, third and even fourth date with men I don't like, not to mention have slept with people that just didn't do it for me.  Is this self destructive behavior normal?

It's wonderful that there are people like you to do the world a great service and be nice to all men.  But for your sake, you need to learn the power and art of rejection – delivering it, not receiving it.  It may seem like you're doing these men a favor by not rejecting them but in reality, you're just making things worse.  It's somewhat cruel to accept a date with someone you have no interest in.  You give them false hopes and in the end, when you finally do end it, you make them wonder what went wrong.  Be strong and learn to say no right away before you do more damage than you would have by expressing your disinterest in the first place.

Dear Geek Goddess:

What is the best place to meet geeks in the real world?

In my basement during a LAN party. 

Seriously. Okay, more seriously, I would say there isn't one specific location to meet geeks, considering geeks come in a variety of packages.  If you wanted to meet Star Trek geeks, go to a convention.  If you wanted to meet gaming geeks, your best bet is probably online.  If I send a gamer geek who had no interest in Star Trek it would totally defeat the purpose to send them to a Trekkie convention, and vice versa.  In order to figure out where the best place to meet geeks is, you need to find out what type of geek you're looking to meet first.  If you want a generic answer, however, I would say the best place to meet geeks is on the Web. Like on Geek 2 Geek (Shameless plug).


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