Geek2Geek - Find your Geek Match

Advice from the Geek Goddess.

 

 

 

 

Please send your questions about dating and relationships to [email protected]

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Dear readers:

 

 

 

Last month's column generated a lot of comments (mostly negative) about my response to one of our members. Click here to read the letter and my reply. Here is a sampling of them.

 

Dear Geek Goddess:

 

I just read your reply to "I don't have a job or money" and was appalled. In today's society of lay-offs, diminishing social security, and lack of minimum wage increases more people become unemployed every day. For some, welfare is not a choice, unemployment has run out, or a myriad of other situations you show no compassion for.

Maybe, instead of paying some outrageous fee for a site that USED to be free, these people need what money they have for food, rent and necessities. Your comments were heartless. I am currently unemployed but still manage to date, though credit card debt is certainly a factor. If the difference between having money to go out for coffee or not is paying for your advice, then I'll keep my money. Plus, isn't the old saying, "the best things in life are free?" There are hundreds of things to do around the big city, or small towns (which I have lived in both) that don't cost a dime.

Maybe, you should consider all sides to an issue before you start knocking down people for the sake of a buck. I read shameless, self-promoting, advertising BS instead of an honest reply in your missive.

I am so glad that I haven't paid for a site that uses such advice and tactics.

Dear Geek Goddess: 

The letter below was very cruel. I was a member and the selections were few to slim in my area.  I think your charging was premature because the site is not big enough to begin charging. Beside this letter below, your letters and comments were humor that I would expect is not what your members want to hear.  Perhaps I am wrong.

Dear Geek Goddess:

Kudos to you for telling that unemployed guy to get a job. 

There are too many people who think the world owes them a living. They feel that web sites be free (even though it costs the web site owner a lot of money). They refuse to take jobs that are "beneath them", and prefer to either keep living on the dole of their parents, or collect some sort of welfare benefits. I assume this person didn't say that he was disabled or anything.

I'm sick of picking up the slack of people who think they're too good in this world to work at something beneath them and letting my tax dollars go toward their unemployment.  It's about time someone put people in their place. 

I am paying for Geek 2 Geek and am enjoying its services.  I've met a lovely woman and am enjoying getting to know her in the dating world.

My response to all:

Okay, I will always post letters where people disagree with me, and a lot of the time I will even admit I'm wrong. Yet I have reviewed my response to the unemployed person that apparently I laid into a little harshly and I honestly think I had a lot of valid points.  If I was harsh or hurt anyone's feelings, I truly apologize, but there were a few things I mentioned that were extremely valid. 

Maybe I didn't know the person's situation enough to judge, but if it were myself having trouble with money, I would certainly go out and find a job.  Regardless of whatever skills I possessed, I have learned that in today's pathetic market, I will take what I can get, even if it means asking every person "do ya want fries with that?"  It seems like unemployment is not the problem anymore, but rather pride.  People seem too proud to work their way up, or take a job that they feel is "beneath" them.  I don't want to get any more political than that, but I would like to stress that there are ways to make money that may not be as profitable as what you are qualified to do, but it's still money.

I agree, there are some great things to do that are free, and I did mention that to our unemployed friend seeking advice in last month's column.  Museums, parks, and even some inexpensive theaters (definitely not movie theaters, I'm talking about live-action) are some great options for those broke people who are looking for something to do on a date.  I didn't dismiss any of these options, I suggested them, and I will suggest them again.

And now, time for the shameless, self-promoting, advertising BS part.  It costs money to run a website.  If you don't want to pay for it, great, please take advantage of our free features on the site and hopefully you can find them beneficial and valuable.  If you would like to pay for it, thank you for helping Geek 2 Geek become what is is today.

Dear Geek Goddess:

I like this guy that I'm friends with at school for a long time but I just have no idea how to ask him out. I feel like I should hang out with him first to see how it goes, but I don't know how to approach the topic. Could you tell me a way to ask a guy out that isn't going to scare him off because it's too assertive?

 

You pretty much answered your own question.  You'd like to ask the guy out but you feel like you should just hang out with him first to see how it goes.  Ask him if he'd like to go for a burger after class one day.  Ask him if he's seen that new movie that's playing and if not, ask if he'd like to go with you sometime.  Chances are, he'll be flattered that you asked, and not put off at all because he won't be able to tell if you're asking him out because you "like, like" him or if you just think he's cool and you want to see him on a social level.  You can always save face by playing the "I just think you're cool and want to be friends, I don't like you in that way" card.  Good luck!

 

Dear Geek Goddess:

 

Is a good night kiss on the first date commonly acceptable on a first date, assuming it was a good date? Also, is a woman who says she doesn't kiss on the first date really saying she's not interested in pursuing anything further? What gives?

 

This is an age old question that deserves an age old answer.  It depends.  A peck on the cheek is a polite way of saying "thanks for dinner, I have no interest in pursuing things any further and no you can't come up for coffee".  A full on kiss on the lips probably indicates more, and anything further than that is pretty obvious.  If a woman claims she doesn't kiss on the first date is could mean two things.  (1) She doesn't kiss on the first date and has made a point of telling you so you don't feel bad that you didn't get a good night kiss.  (2) She isn't interested.
 

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